Lovely day, and the little bundle of smiles and joy seemed to love it. Baby didn't mind it either

The weather tried its best to ruin the day. What a horrible day weather wise. It rained literally none stop all day. It is said, apparently, that Jesus cries when you lie. Well I'll tell you something beardy, there must of been some porkies told out there yesterday. Is it obvious that I am not really a religious person?

"He got married under the eyes of God. At a Catholic church. He is in the club whether he admits it or not" - The Wife

I siill haven't burst into flames so guessing the big man upstairs is fine with my views

Jesus loves you. So much so he stopped writing after the second book

So back to the rain, I had to get out the car to unlock a gate at Birkenhead Park and got soaked through. Right down to me skids. I was out the car for literally 2mins. The 3 hairs on my head were drenched. Took them at least 30s to dry

Now I can hear you saying, "Ah but a few weeks ago you were moaning about the summer and how much you hate it"

Yes. Yes I was. I am happy to take the autumn weather when it comes our way, but not when I am frantically trying to put in a code on a padlock that won't open. Much swearing and kicking of the gate later, I managed to get it open

Granted I was initially not putting the four didgets on the right line of the lock, but I blame the rain. Not my limited patience or intelligence

Happy as always

Thats enough blasphemy and wet stories for now, so back to today. Somethings that I can admit. I have bad road rage. I know. Who would of known it with my calm personality. But I am a van driver at the end of the day. Definately in the top 3 or 4 of worst drivers on the road. But there are worse

To make it fair, we will discuss van drivers. A person who has a grudge with anything and everything on the road. Other cars, pedestrians, pidgeons, flies, clouds and even road signs and markings. I fall under that category. I call people a twat on many many occasions during the day. Prob break 50 times easily

Twat is a great word to insult someone with when they can't hear you as its clear from your lips what you are saying. Try it in front of the mirror. Don't say it 3 times though or Katie Hopkins will turn up all Beetlejuice like

The women was moaning the other day about not being able to open a cardboard box. I shit you not. We have wars raging all over the world, former Presidents being shot, current Presidents too old to work an oven unsupervised. But here we have some posh bird sending out videos from her ivory tower about not being able to open something made, effectively, out of paper

The light is green!

Back to my road rage. I even shouted at my windscreen washer last week because it wasn't working. Granted I didnt put water in so maybe my fault, but still shouted at it

In addition to Van Drivers, we have people who have massive 4x4/SUV cars, but are clearly not comftable to drive a large vehicle. Maybe its a status thing. Or just that they are a bit of a simpleton.  But these are the type of people we can do without. People who insist in parking within 4 inches of their kids schools even when there is suitable parking 100yrds away (apparently their little cherubs can't walk further than 10yrds). 

They just love blocking the road, by double parking or trying a 19 point menover to get into a space that even a Noddy Car wouldn't get in

They are usually doing a standard morning task. Doing their makeup, on their phone while driving, double parking, or talking to another parent. Sometimes all of the above

Now I want it to be known, this is not a swipe at all 4x4/SUV parent drivers. Nor is it a swipe at a particular sex before I get buggerfied (new word) with a woke flag by the hosts of Loose Women. But we all know who these drivers are, and they deserve their genitals cheese grated and then dipped in vinegar

But I lose track of what this was all about. Today (Monday), I got a brand new work van. Well I actually got it on Friday, but got it at the end or the day so didn't get chance to proper test it on the 1 mile drive home from Arrowe Park

Exciting times. New van. That new vehicle smell. I was a little bit gutted if I am being honest as I actually likes my VW Caddy, but work are swapping out the vans so not my choice

New van? I have a Renault Kangoo. Not a bad van to drive, but its no VW Caddy and its phyiscal attributes, so to speak, are the problem. 

Marco Van Basten III

From the outside, it looks alright. Got two side doors in the rear cab as well which is handy. Trying to get stuff out of the drivers side of your van on Hpylake Road in Moreton. At rush hour. It's a scary task

But sadly the good things are overshadowed by the bad things. Firstly is the ridiculously large dashboard. It is 16 inches inches long (not an exaggeration)

What do you get from this 16 inches? (Giggity). Well not much really. I stupidly small glove box that can barely fit a nearly finished packet of clinical wipes and my deodorant. Going to need to find a new place for my Mars and Boost bars now. It does however, very good dashboars storage, but I really don't think anyone needs a dashboard storage that big

Because of this, the van storage in the rear cab is smaller than the VW Caddy due to the Ron Jeremy sized dashboard. My Mother In Law is a very tiny person, and I reckon she could go to kip on that dashboard

My new camp bed

Never thought I'd mention my Mother in Law and Ron Jeremy in the same sentance but there you go. First for everything

Secondly it has a cup holder. Great, but standard. Downside to this? It the bottom of your travel mug is wider than 2.5inches, it won't fit. So make sure you have a travel mug that narrows at the bottom. Or, as I found out today, you will get spilt tea everwhere and third degree burns on my legs

It does have a second cup holder, but this, weirdly, is under the passenger seat. As is the tray for you to put shit like change and pens etc

Strange right? While we are on the passenger seat. It has 1½ seats (not quite 2 seats). This is great as I can now fit all my morning post on the seat next to me. It also has seat that lift up and give you handy storage under the seat. Saldy this comes at a cost because I now have tea soaked socks everytime I need to access a pen, as the seat pushes your mug over as it lifts. So make sure the travel mug/bottle isnt taller than 6 inches

Lastly, and this is the oddest thing of all, is the volume on the media player and radio. So its on 10 when you start the engine the first time. Not an issue, pump it up to a volume so that everybody can hear what I am singing too... badly. Usually some 80s or 90s cheese

But, and this the stupid thing, everytime you turn off the ignition and turn it on again, it goes back to 10! To a volume so quiet that I have heard more noise coming from a mouse with a loose ring piece farting from 3 miles away

So everytime I get back in the van, I have to put up the volume (see the 90s cheese reference there?). It actually takes the volume down on my phone without me knowing. Mad and very worringly, Skynet like

The new Renault CEO is proud of his work